I have a lot of anxiety about being stuck somewhere without food. It's constantly on my mind. I also don't trust meters, which leads to anxiety. I trust my body. I can often guess my bg within a surprising margin. However, when you're having even a tiny panic, you lose awareness of your body. I can't tell you how many times I've chugged raw sugar based on a panic attack. Those are, thankfully, mostly behind me. Although, last August I felt really icky almost all day for a week and a half. I had decided that this was due to quitting my short time as a xanax user. The stuff helped a lot, but after a point I felt like I had overcome so much that I didn't need it any more. Well, I had heard nightmare stories about quitting xanax. I'll cut to the chase. My meter was saying that my bg was 360, but I felt like it was more like 60 or 70 and I drank juice despite the readings. I figured I was in for a dka/anxiety hell and just kept the ambulance and friend's numbers on hand, expecting the disaster. Finally, after a week of what must have drained me of a years' worth of energy, I had a bg of 400 something that just could NOT have been true so I checked it again. Still 400 something. Skeptical, frustrated. Checked again. 120. Complete freakout. Ended up buying a new meter right away in the middle of the night, paying full insurance price for new strips and new meter. I know you can get the meters for free but when you're in this situation you don't have the time. Cool, another 200$ on the credit card, and a deep mistrust of one of the very things I should always be able to trust, as my life depends on it. Imagine me taking 8 or so units of Humalog to come down from a 400 bloodsugar when I was at, say, perhaps, 90? That'll hit ya. So, this paralyzing anxiety sits with me and I can't hardly live comfortably if I'm not in the 240-260 range. It's an ironic nightmare and I know I have the ability to control my bg, but I can't control this anxiety. On top of all of this I can't find a doctor who seems like he gives just a half a shit. They all feed me though my appts in 5-10 minutes max, skipping my bloodwork "Since we know it's not optimal at this time anyway". Some of my doctors have acted more hollywood than healthcare professionals anyway. With that kind of money though what do you expect of them. My body seems to be very, very strong and I don't even have a HINT of numbness in my toes or feet, no skin problems, no immune system problems (except for when I get an injury that doesn't bleed. Scabless injuries get iffy sometimes) etc. I seem to be really, really healthy but I know that this is all about to take a nasty turn and I just wish I could prevent it. I'm just learning to love myself and my life and I couldn't bear having to give it up just yet. and further, I have no one to talk about this to and I don't even know a single other diabetic in all 8 years of my diagnosis. That's why I'm here, online, venting. I remain positive though, but as I really face it more and more it gets tough.